Control, by definition, means to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over someone or something.  Used in a positive manner, it can be healthy.  However, when you feel the need to control every aspect of your life, YOU are the dominated one.  Unfortunately, we usually don’t realize this until we are captives. Incarcerated behind iron bars of trepidation and fear, we grasp at every shred of control we think we have.  Instead, we many times watch our lives unraveling, thread by thread, before our eyes.

See, that’s what happens when we insist on maintaining control.  We don’t “make” things better.  At least, I never have.  It all started when I was a little girl, I was sexually abused by a stranger.  I felt condemned, dirty, and “helpless”.  I realized as a four year old child, that I didn’t like feeling “helpless”.  Thus began my love of “control”.  Time went on, and as a nine year old, I
witnessed the death of my dear grandfather.  It was, I suppose, the most glorious moment of his life.  He met Jesus face to face, for the first time.  I, somehow, didn’t see it that way.  I couldn’t process it, it scared me.

The week after Grandpa’s funeral, I suffered the first of over 20 years of panic attacks.  I would have them at home, at church, in the store, at school, even on the school bus.  The more I suffered them, the more I tried to control my surroundings.  Believe it or not, it culminated in a massive nervous breakdown at the age of 27. I laid in a hospital bed, with a kind doctor looking over me saying these words, “Mrs. Kleiman, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, physically.”  Shaking uncontrollably, I looked back and asked, “Then why do I feel like I’m dying?”.  I had worn myself to a frazzle, by trying so hard to guide the ship of my life.  I failed, miserably.

From there, I tried, along with my precious husband, to pick up the pieces.  Not quite knowing how to go about it, I didn’t do such a great job.  I was still feeling that all too familiar need to control the “rebuilding process”.  All the while, Jesus was waiting.  I could hear His whispers, feel the gentle nudges of His Spirit, as He would ask for the reins of my life.  I was so afraid of letting go.  If I let go, would I free fall?

Here I am, three years later.  Am I “there” yet?  Not completely.  But, guess what?  I’m letting go, one finger at a time.  Three years of utter, physical and mental, agony have taught me something.  I can trust God.  Do I put that into practice all of the time? No.  When I do, it’s heavenly.  The peace that passes all understanding, isn’t just a myth.  He really is the God of all comfort.

I’m on a journey.  Want to join me?  I’m finding out, day by day, that I really can let go.  Here’s the reason why….

Deuteronomy 33.27 “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”

That, my dear friends, is where I am looking to transfer these reins!

Survival mode. Have you ever been there? It’s a “gray” place, where flowers don’t bloom and the sun no longer shines. Life has lost its luster. Quite frankly, areas of life that used to seem important no longer matter to you. Maybe the appropriate word for what you feel is…numb. It appears that you no longer have the capacity to feel happiness.

During times such as this, one of two things will happen. You will reach out to God, or you will allow the waves of despondency to capsize your boat. In turn, you will drift farther and farther away from the peaceful shore of God’s presence. Do you find yourself drifting today? The good news is, there is hope for you! Read with me, if you will, Psalms 16:11, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” The presence of God is the answer you’re seeking. Notice it says that you can find complete joy in His presence. Staying close to Jesus, whether the way be rough or smooth, will bring a joy that you will find nowhere else.

I have experienced severe depression, requiring several trips to the hospital. What I offer to you today is not a pill, or a quick fix, although some situations do require medical intervention. When all is said and done, when the pill bottle is empty and the doctor is gone, Jesus will still be there. Your problems may still hang over your head like a dark mist that you can’t see through, but God’s peace is not based on outward circumstances. He promised a peace that surpasses human understanding.

God delights in making all things new. In fact, he’d love to make a trade with you.

Isaiah 61:3 “To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness….”

Bind yourself to the Lord today. Raise your head, spread your wings and fly. It’s been too long since you’ve felt the wind of God’s spirit lifting you up to where you belong. You weren’t created to merely survive … You were created to be more than a conqueror!

At first glance, maybe it seems as if Mary had it made.  She was the earthly vessel through which God in flesh appeared.  What an honor, and what a heartache.  In her surrender to God’s will, she embraced two very different emotions.  She accepted joy, along with agony.  With one arm, she cradled the unbridled ecstasy of being chosen to carry God’s only begotten.  Then we turn and see what she holds in the other.  A sword…the sword of sorrow that would pierce her heart. 

Oh, how Mary rejoiced at the raising of the dead, the lame being healed and the opening of blind eyes.  Yet the sword would nick her heart as she heard the false accusations.  With one final thrust, it plunged deeply into her heart as she watched the nails driven into the hands and feet of her firstborn son. 

Through a young girl’s submission to God’s will, joy and agony met together and created a divine masterpiece.  She could have refused the sword; who could blame her?  But what of the joy?  The redemption of mankind!

It may seem like a wild swing, from one end of the spectrum of human emotion to the other.  Joy….agony.  Could any two emotions be farther apart?  Truth be told, they’re married.  You rarely see one without the other in the word of God.  Hebrews 12:2 is a perfect example.

“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Just like Jesus, there will be times when we must use spiritual “x-ray” vision.  We will be called upon to look “through” the agony to see the joy.  Pain is never easy.  How many times have we cried out, “Let this cup pass from me”?  Or, like Paul, we’ve entreated the Lord to remove the thorn.

My sincere prayer is that God will help me look beyond the thorn and past the cross.  As the thorn digs deeper and the cross weighs heavier, may I remind myself once again that…

“…the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

We live so far beneath where we should be.  Haunted by feelings of inadequacy, we retreat into shady corners.  Shadows are the dwelling place of many.  Somehow, it’s just “easier”.  If we never try, we can’t fail, right?  Well, consider these four well-documented cases:

My measly efforts could never affect anyone.  I’ll just stay with the sheep.  I have a stuttering problem anyway.  Why would the Israelites pay any attention to a murderer?  Pharaoh will laugh me to scorn!  Besides, I’m 80 years old.  You know what they say; you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

Hmmm, I see what you mean.  I’m the least in my family, and we are extremely poor.  The children of Israel have been tormented by the Midianites for seven years, but I’m quite sure there’s nothing I could do to stop them.  No, it would take a “mighty man of valor” to do that.  That’s a name tag no one would place on my lapel!

Well, I’m just a woman.  Our enemy is on the verge of wiping out our entire race.  I know I’m the queen, but I face death if I go to the king uninvited.  He hasn’t called for me in 30 days.  What if I risk my life and fail to save my people anyway?

You’re a woman, but I am just a kid!  God is calling me to be one of the greatest prophets that ever lived.  At my age, I could never speak to this great nation.  I’m too young.  I’d be better off to just let the Lord find someone more experienced…

What if Moses, Gideon, Esther and Jeremiah had allowed their perceived inadequacies to keep them in the shadows?  The course of history would be much different today.  

What’s your excuse?  Can you think of a hundred reasons why God can’t use you?  Maybe it would be easier, but not nearly as rewarding!  Why don’t you step out of the shadows of your inadequacy, and let God’s adequacy propel you into the sunshine of success?  

Remember, it’s not about your might or power anyway…

Why is it that we are so consumed by worry? We allow scenarios to be created in our minds, and then we feed on them until we are to the point of torment. All the while, God looks to rescue our minds from the captivating power of fear.

Do you ever feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop? You wake up in the morning and the first thought in your mind is, “I wonder what bad thing will happen today?” It may sound far-fetched, but so many live this way.

I believe the fear we experience comes from past hurt. We are conceived and born into a sinful world. We grow up surrounded by pain, abuse, divorce, financial stress and the list could go on. Time after time grief, injustice and sorrow are handed to us, sometimes with no warning. We become like the deer in the heat of hunting season, constantly looking over our shoulder. Nervously wringing our hands at the thought of what may happen, we build a house of fear one brick at a time. We look around and see nothing but negativity. The illusive “what if” has become our reality.

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus encapsulates this way of thinking and gives us the remedy. Verse 33 commands us to seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else will be taken care of. Isaiah 26:3 is another powerful antidote. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” The word “stayed” literally means to lean upon.

The person whose mind is leaning upon God will have perfect peace. This takes a lot of practice. Our minds are not naturally inclined to the positive power of peace. Rather, we tend to automatically assume the worst. What if we took these verses seriously and changed our actions (Matthew 6:25-34) and our thoughts (Isaiah 26:3)? Instead of turning instinctively to gloom and doom, turn your thoughts to Jesus. Meditate on His word when you feel the urge to think or act negatively.

It’s not rocket science, really. We’ve heard it for a long time, the “power of positive thinking”. It’s easy to brush that statement aside as a new-fangled approach to happiness. In actuality, it’s an old remedy for a human problem. It was first stated by God through the pen of his servant. Isaiah 26:3 proves that God designed the power of positive thinking. 2 Timothy 1:7 supports this by saying, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” God never intended for His children to be tormented in their minds.

Satan presents a smorgasbord of fear, doubt and worry into which we heartily dive. We need not partake of his deadly delicacies any longer. Let us, instead, turn to the heavenly buffet of power, love and a sound mind!

The result? The worry of “what if” will be turned into the power of perfect peace.